Spring Cleaning For Your Relationship

Every relationship has a junk drawer the place where random stuff piles up until it won’t close. Ours just isn’t in the kitchen. It’s the unspoken resentments, the passive-aggressive habits, the roles we fell into without noticing, and the same argument that somehow returns like junk mail. We take the idea of spring cleaning and turn it into a practical relationship reset you can do in any season, not just when the weather turns warm.

We talk through what it actually looks like to “deep clean” with your partner without making it confrontational. That means choosing release over suppression, naming what needs to go, and staying clear on the goal: healing wounds, not collecting ammunition. We get specific about recurring fights and why repetition usually signals unresolved feelings or unclear agreements. You’ll hear how we think about boundaries without guilt, hard limits, and the uncomfortable truth that sometimes growth requires a real upgrade in behavior.

Then we move into rebuilding: reorganizing the relationship so everything has a place and an intention. We cover updating conflict rules, asking for attentiveness and being “witnessed,” using timeouts when defensiveness spikes, and keeping a team mindset even during hard conversations. We also zoom out to personal growth including self-stagnation, getting the right support, and remembering that not all progress is easy to see from your own perspective.

If you want better relationship communication, stronger emotional intimacy, and check-ins that leave you closer instead of drained, hit play. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs a reset, and leave a review then tell us what you’re ready to clear out first.

Transcript

The Drunk Drawer Opener

Eryn 0:00

So everybody has a drunk drawer. Drunk drawer? Wow. Holy shit. Yeah. Everybody so everybody You know that one drawer that can't hold its liquor. You know, the one that you can't fucking invite anywhere.

Cori 0:32

That's our new theme song. And I wrote it just now for you.

Eryn 0:36

It's great.

Spring Cleaning As A Relationship Reset

Cori 0:37

Yeah. You're welcome. Thanks so much for being here. We love to have you. Thanks for listening. I'm your co-host, Cori. And I'm Eryn. Today we are talking about spring cleaning.

Eryn 0:53

That's right. Because it is a wonderful spring day of 70 degrees. Yeah. The robins are fat. Yes. There are plenty springs here, and with spring comes spring cleaning.

Cori 1:06

Yes. And I think it's a really, really, really fun thing. I don't know. I don't know if I've ever been this excited for spring, but this spring in particular just feels like, ooh, let me add them. Let me add them. I just want to fucking rip everything up and clean it and like scrub it, you know?

Eryn 1:26

It's a different new spring for us.

Cori 1:28

It is. And I I definitely I feel that energy. And maybe that's why I'm so excited for it.

Eryn 1:33

So everybody in their house has a junk drawer. Yeah. And if you don't, great. I'm congratulations. Maybe that's just a United States thing. This seems to be like a universal thing. Where everything just goes in that drawer. Yeah. The utility drawer, some people like to call it. It's a few. Yeah, or it looks like a national thing. Right. It's a junk drawer.

Cori 1:52

Yeah. And uh it and that's the catch-all place for fucking everything, bro.

Eryn 1:59

A lot of junk builds up in your junk drawer. And the same can be said for relationships.

Cori 2:06

Spring cleaning within a relationship, and what does that look like? It's being able to say, okay, cool, I know that through this past season, here's what I've learned about myself. Here's what I've seen. Here's what needs to fucking go. Here's what I'm no longer tolerating from myself or from other people. Or here's what I would like to see more of in a relationship.

Eryn 2:30

It also means letting go of shit. Oh. So clearing up uh unspoken resentments, any passive aggressive habits, any assumptions or old arguments that need to be put to rest once and for all. Anything that we've swept under the rug. Right. Anything that's gotten swept under the rug. Bring it out, bring it out. Right. You know, it's it's good to do these spring cleanings, especially after the wintertime. Wintertime, we nobody likes to do anything. Everybody just wants to be warm and comfortable. We get that.

Cori 3:01

And also this spring cleaning can happen anytime, anywhere. It doesn't have to happen in springtime. You can do this all the time. I encourage you to do check-ins regularly within your relationship. I think it's healthy.

Speaker 1 3:13

Yeah.

Upgrades, Boundaries, And Hard Limits

Cori 3:14

It's it I mean it's worked for us. So uh that's all the experience I need. Yeah. So there. It keeps good communication going. It does. It does. Not only is it possible for us to spring clean within a relationship, this also applies to things or people. You know? Stuff or people. Right. And uh it's also the characteristics and what makes us us.

Eryn 3:42

You're upgrading your next version, version 2.0, 3.0, 4.0. Every day. 4.5. Every hour, every moment, every opportunity.

Cori 3:50

Right. Yeah.

Eryn 3:51

You figure something out about yourself? Upgrade. And pass that information along. Because if oh the only person that knows is yourself, it doesn't do a lot of good. Just like, well, I knew that I it's like, well, they can't pick up on that. They're not mind readers. So you need to keep them on the page.

Cori 4:09

Right, because it just because one person has recognized a habit within a relationship doesn't mean that both have. So I think spring cleaning means vulnerability from both sides to be able to be open and receptive to hearing and receiving that, hey, maybe we do some shit that's like no key dokie. Right, right. And it could be soft nokie dokie or it could be hard nokie dokie.

Speaker 1 4:32

Yeah.

Cori 4:33

And I think in either case, the end result is the same. Our goal is working together.

Eryn 4:40

I'm like nodding at the microphone, like yes, it is. It's better than me just going, yep, yes, yes, throughout the whole fucking shit.

Cori 4:48

I can see it, so it makes sense to me. And I I think it's important for us to be able to come unburdened, like just completely vulnerable and free about it. Because it's there's nothing to be shameful of. Right. That's not the point of what we're doing. What the point of what we're doing is so that we both have an opportunity to grow in this season of spring cleaning. Right. Here's what I'm getting rid of. Here's some things I've noticed about you. And they may not be things that you want to get rid of. And I have to be okay with that. Because it's got nothing to do with you. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, there may be obviously there may be cases in which I bring something to your attention, I'm like, hey, Eryn, can we can we talk about a spring cleaning topic? You know, this has happened recently, and uh I kind of feel like maybe maybe we should get that shit on out of here. What you say, I'm gonna help you. Yeah. You know, and if you say, you know what, I really like my passive aggressive nature. It's uh it's worked really, really well for me, and I'm gonna keep it. I don't know. And I'm like, alright, well I mean that's I've had enough of it now, and and this is now me my turn now to set a boundary and to be like, okay, well, that this version of Cori doesn't tolerate that shit. So you either upgrade your software or prepare to pack bags, one or the other. Cause that's because that's where we are. Because if that's a hard limit for me and something that I will not tolerate, now depending upon where you are. I feel like you and I, in our relationship, Eryn, have grown very smoothly and seamlessly and together. So I I don't have those qualms. I could I could understand how they could exist elsewhere, but uh, you know, just as examples for the for the listen they're out there.

Resolve Old Fights Without Ammo

Eryn 6:46

Things that are gonna get cleaned out. Past mistakes, unrealistic expectations, communication habits that just don't work anymore.

Cori 6:53

Yeah.

Eryn 6:54

Uh roles that you fell into without realizing that you fell into them. Like if someone is now like the caregiver or the fixer, or they're the ones that that's their role in the relationship, and you didn't really sign up for that, and you feel like uh it's not a place the way you want to be. Like this would be a time to pull all of this out and then having conversations about all of this stuff, so it's a release and not a suppression.

Speaker 1 7:18

Mm-hmm.

Eryn 7:18

So, and that's like that's that's a big thing is release versus suppression of it, like unhandled business, if you will.

Cori 7:24

Something that I just thought of. I I think that it's okay to give each other time to mentally, emotionally, and physically prepare for this kind of a conversation. Because especially if this isn't something that you do all of the time, you don't have to jump in two feet and just balls to the wall, man. I'm telling you, it might rip your training wheels all the way fucking off. And who knows? But I think uh giving yourself space and opportunity to kind of be like, hey, I think in the spirit of spring cleaning, this is a perfect opportunity for all of us to come together and say any grievances, right, you know, anything, and it's also not that we can't, you know, share celebrations too, but I think like this really needs to be a moment of celebrating the fact that we can deep clean the shit.

Eryn 8:19

Right. If you and your partner are having an argument per se, I believe it's pronounced purse. Yes. Um, and they keep bringing up the same thing over and over and over again. It's time to touch base with that and figure out why there hasn't been a resolution, or if you're just holding on to it to use as a means of a tit for tat situation, which is not good at all. It's that's disgusting behavior. Yeah. Like straight up. That's just disgusting shit. It's important though, if there is steel feelings behind a certain thing, to bring it up and figure out what resolution looks like and how moving forward uh applies when you rewrite your relationship roles.

Restructure The Relationship For Today

Cori 9:00

Yeah, yeah, because I think as much as it is gutting the old shit, I think it is also restructuring for better organization. Right. Because I'm thinking about like a garage, right, that's just packed full of shit. You got Christmas shit, you got other holidays in there, you got family heirlooms, you got shit from whenever you were in school, you got the kids' stuff, you got dog stuff, you got shit all over the fucking place, and you got shit in boxes from four moves ago. Right. What are you doing? That's the kind of shit. But it's also establishing that once you pull all of that shit out of the garage and you get rid of what you don't need and you start really looking at what you do have and what you do want to keep, then it's like, okay, all of this stuff has to have a place. Otherwise, we end up right back here. Right. And of course, like, yeah, that's part of the cycle, but like we don't have to make it part of the cycle. Right, right. You don't have to keep inviting the flies in just because you want the windows open.

Eryn 10:07

Put up a fucking screen. When there is resolution, there's resolution. The conflict has been resolved. This should not be something that gets brought up. And if it does, then it's a sore spot that needs to be talked about. Why is it a sore spot and how to move from there?

Cori 10:24

Right. And the point of this is not to gather ammunition, this is to heal wounds. So be careful what you're bringing into the conversations because we don't need knives. Right. You know, we don't. We could just bring band-aids and and fuzzy pillows, unicorn hats, and blankets.

Eryn 10:44

Right. It needs to be collaborative and not confrontational. Yeah. Because remember, you're you're a team, you're working on this together. It's something that you both are doing so that your relationship is strong as fuck. This is like just keeps adding on to that solid foundation that you have, and it's part of a healthy working relationship.

Defensiveness, Timeouts, And Team Mindset

Cori 11:05

Yes. And tying into that, it's important for us to bring our feelings into awareness through all of it. Because if at any point during that conversation I start to feel defensive, that is my body's way of telling me, hey, can we have a timeout, please? Right. Please. Right. And then it is now my responsibility to say the words, hi. Cori is having a hard time right now. She is feeling defensive. And I know that we are on the same team. So Cori's gonna take a little time out so I can remind myself that we are a team. Because we are. And if I don't feel like we're a team, it's not because we aren't a team. That's already been established very clearly within our relationship. And that's our goal in everything moving forward. And I kind of feel like we're in the phase that like we're not really learning, we're applying. Right. You know, and that status is where we find ourselves just kind of continuing and revisiting and re-evaluating.

Eryn 12:08

And also I think that m if there is a feeling of defensiveness, mayhaps a good question to ask is how did I contribute to this?

Cori 12:17

And holding space for accountability without your ego being present. Right. Because even though Cori may have felt defensive in that time, sure, that is Cori's responsibility to observe and explore why she felt defensive, what did she hear in that conversation? And really that's that's the the role of that um, like that time out time. 15 minutes, whatever, of okay, let me refocus. I know that we're a team, so why did I feel that way? And then on the reverse, it also allows the other partner to say, okay, I understand that something is amiss here, and my intention was never to harm my partner, and they are feeling vulnerable in addition to other feelings. How can I ask you what support looks like without sounding like I'm looking for a list, or I'm looking for an answer immediately, or I'm looking for a cure-all. Because I'm not. I just I'm trying to ask and and understand better how does Eryn receive X most effectively, most efficiently. If it's coming from a neutral space, it's coming from a we're not on opposite sides. You know, I'm in fact I'm not I'm not fucking taking anybody's side in this. I'm not taking Cori's side, I'm not taking Eryn's side, I'm not taking sides. There aren't sides to take. That's our positioning on it. Period. Feelings can be real and thoughts can be lies. I can feel a certain way, but it doesn't necessarily mean that that's actually what's happening. Right. So I think it's important for us to check in and say, hey, this felt like an attack. Was that I I know that's not how you meant it. Can you phrase that differently? Right. You know, and from a neutral tone too.

Stagnation, Support, And Seeing Growth

Eryn 14:28

Because it's not about who's right or who's wrong, it's about creating resolution, moving forward, so that your relationships are they're doing the damn thing.

Cori 14:36

I think we said early on that ships take you places, and that includes relationships. And if your relationships aren't taking you to places, maybe that's part of your spring cleaning. And I don't mean that you should get something out of a relationship from somebody, but if it's not mutually beneficial, what are we doing? Right, if it's it's become one-sided. Right, because a symbiotic relationship can look like a tiny fish and a giant whale. It doesn't matter what class or size or background they come from, they are co-beneficial. That's beautiful. That's fine. And it's both parties' responsibility to act responsibly in the benefits.

Eryn 15:24

Meeting where your partner is, seeing where you are, and if you've been growing together or apart.

Cori 15:33

Wow. We've covered a lot of uh ideas and um uh different ways to spring clean within relationships, and I think it's it's really, really amazing to me that I that I exist in a relationship in which this is possible because I didn't think that this was.

Eryn 15:54

We just didn't know that a relationship of this caliber could exist because we hadn't had an example of one prior. Right. So this is like the first healthy relationship that we've both had.

Cori 16:07

Yeah. And so we we know all about dysfunction, but Right, and now functioning in a way that's uh non-dysfunctional, it's a whole process. There's a learning curve.

Eryn 16:18

So after you do all of the spring cleaning and uh everybody's feeling good about it, it's uh time to rewrite the relationship rules.

Cori 16:27

Putting it back with organization, everything has a place and everything has intention.

Eryn 16:34

What do we need from each other now, relationship-wise? Like, do you need better communications? Do you need more intimacy? Do you need more clarification of things? These are the kind of things that you're gonna wanna go through and figure out what is working for you both today. Let's say uh one person is not being very attentive, they're not being very attentive to needs and whatnot, you would want to say, hey, I would like that there would be more attentiveness to the relationship, to myself. Witness me. Right. Essentially witness me.

Cori 17:10

Right. I feel cared for when I am witnessed. And in our relationship at this time, I don't I don't feel that from you.

Eryn 17:20

Another good thing for the uh rewriting of the relationship rules is how you both want to handle conflict today. Yeah. What has worked, what hasn't worked, update that system. And with that, you're also gonna want to uh redefine your boundaries without guilt. Yeah. If there are any boundaries that need to be re- re-established, redefined, this would be a good time to do that now. This is gonna help you as you rebuild into more emotional intimacy.

Cori 17:50

Yeah. And I I think continuing to establish that as a safe place where you both can be vulnerable, you both can be heard, you both can be addressed in that space where it's like a sacred bubble that we understand the focus of this conversation, and we also understand that feelings happen, and that's okay. I'm not gonna take it personally. And you know, we come in, we shake hands, we say wives before, wives after, or whatever. I don't know, I saw that one time on some I saw some video where they did that, and I was like, I think that's so cute though. But like we are, we're partners before and we're partners after this. Right. That's the point of what we're that's the point of doing this in the first place. Right. You know, having that check-in. So now that we've both shared this space and we both agree upon this, we agree, and you know, any final remarks, any any anything else that needs to come out or come up and hold that space and then I think it's it's good to agree that we're done, you know, unless unless something comes up. Because sometimes the brain's like, hey, wait a minute, I forgot about a thing. Right. And it's okay to sit with that thing. Because if it didn't come up, maybe there's a reason it didn't come up. Right. But maybe there is. Because if it just keeps coming up for you after the conversation has been finished, let's explore. Let's let's have another little spring cleaning session, but not really like a deep clean. This is more just like a In addition to. In addition to an amendment.

Eryn 19:27

An amendment.

Cori 19:28

Yeah. Like a dusting. Yeah. A dusting. Yeah.

Eryn 19:31

And it's and that's the thing, it's like, hey, we had that spring cleaning and moving forward, I also I reck I recognize these things. Yeah.

Cori 19:41

Because spring cleaning can kick up some fucking dust, bro.

Eryn 19:45

Right. We get it. Right? So you can come back to the conversation. You can always come back to the conversation and be like, hey, in addition to, these are some other things. Yeah. But I think it's important for both people to know and express way where they are at, what they have learned about themselves, what they are letting go, how they intend to improve themselves, and what growth looks like moving forward.

Cori 20:13

Because as much as I do see your growth, I don't see your growth. I don't see everything that you've gone through to make that growth happen. I don't see everything that you've gone through or experienced or worked through to make that a reality. And I think the only way that we as partners even get a glimpse into that is if we share. And it's not to say that your efforts are unseen. It's just I don't I I don't peek behind the curtain, girly, I'm watching the show. Right. You know? I see what's happening here.

Eryn 20:47

And being able to be vulnerable to show your partner the inner workings of how you think and how you progress, that's important because then when things are being worked through, they'll see those gears turning, I think.

Cori 20:58

Mm-hmm. What are you looking to get out of the spring cleaning season? Yes. Yeah. What does a quote successful spring cleaning session season look like for you?

Speaker 1 21:15

Yeah. Yeah.

Cori 21:16

For me, it looks like being here fully. And I think that that's really fucking cool because I I ain't never done this before. So like it's my first time experiencing a really healthy relationship and space, and I'm going to experience it to the best of my ability, to the fullest of my capabilities. And that's what that's what a successful season looks like to me. Giving it giving your all. Yeah. Not for the other person, but for yourself. Right. Because that's the the rewards that I know that I receive from the growth that I make a fucking abundance.

Eryn 21:59

Ooh. You know what? It's okay to discuss your own self stagnation. It's okay to discuss self-stagnation. And if you're having trouble moving through it, where you could use help. Yeah. And what that looks like. So that's also another thing is don't be afraid to like bring out your inner like dust off the insides, baby. It's not only just the relationship, it's also you like what you're going through internally. Because nobody's a mind reader. So if you're having feelings about being like you feel that you know you're s stagnating on certain things, address that. Right?

Cori 22:42

Like what room in your house needs some cleaning? Right. Is it your relationships? Is it your career? Is it you know entertainment? What is it that that that you're having trouble with? It's that room that's the junk drawer room that it's become this massively overwhelming fucking piece that I've been working on it and I feel like I got nowhere and I need some help, please. Yeah.

Speaker 1 23:10

Yeah.

Eryn 23:11

It's okay. And getting the right support. Yeah. Because if nobody knows that you're stagnant except for you.

Cori 23:19

Or maybe you're not actually stagnant, but you think you are.

Eryn 23:23

Ooh.

Cori 23:24

Uh-huh. Ooh. Uh-huh. Because not all movement looks the same. Exactly. Because it is a process. Right. And if you've not changed your own perspective, it's not going to look any different. Because if I'm looking at this from a top-down view because that was helpful for me before, but I'm looking at v vertical growth from a top-down view, I'm not going to see any fucking differences. However, if you've been observing me from the side or from you know, whatever, then you're able to see, hold on, what do you mean you haven't done any growth? Right. Have you forgotten? Oh, let's build a blanket for it and let me tell you all about it. Do you want some tea?

Eryn 24:02

Reminding them of the growth that you've personally witnessed. Sometimes people just can't clap for their damn selves, and it so even like they've had tremendous amount of success and they have like ended up moving mountains to them, it just feels like they're getting nowhere.

Cori 24:16

Right. It feels like a normal fucking Tuesday because this is what I always do, but I've you know I've I've missed my last opportunity of of celebration. So now that I've been running through the last four or five projects nonstop, my soul feels like I'm not getting anywhere. But it's you know, it's an opportunity for for me to feel heard within myself, celebrate my own wins, or you know, have that conversation with a with a good partner. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Closing Lines And Sendoff

Eryn 24:51

And uh so uh what do you say on that? We uh wrap it up.

Cori 24:55

I do. Like a baby. Like a baby. Wrap it up like a baby. Or wrap it up so you don't have a baby. Whatever you choose. Yeah. It's correct.

Speaker 1 25:10

So with that, stay bold, stay whimsical as fuck. Stay true to yourself, stay updated. Yes, stay updated. Stay updated. Yes. Most importantly, stay quickly committed.