Why Late In Life Lesbians Are Actually Right On Time (S3E11)

What if you’re not late—you’re just finally listening to yourself? We open up about the messy, liberating path from compulsory heterosexuality to claiming sapphic love, sharing moments that cracked the script: the prom invite we turned down out of fear, the first kiss that wouldn’t stop echoing, the pandemic scroll that surfaced creators who made desire feel obvious. Along the way, we unpack internalized homophobia, the “gold star lesbian” myth, and how labels can guide or box us in depending on how we hold them.

We also get practical about relationships when truth arrives midstream. If you’re married, do you open the relationship, discuss polyamory, or choose a kind exit? We talk through why transparency prevents hostage dynamics, what happens when you try polyamory and realize monogamy with women is your north star, and how to communicate needs without turning partners into villains. The thread through it all: attraction should feel good, and tolerating someone is not the same as wanting them. Your body’s signals are data, not sin.

There’s space here for bisexuality without stigma, for preferences without fear, and for ditching hierarchies that rank queerness. We reflect on how culture scripts girlhood to orbit men, why many of us mistake “not grossed out” for desire, and how experimenting with language—bisexual, pansexual, lesbian—can be a bridge to relief. If dudes give you the ick and women make your nervous system exhale, trust that. Try it on. Keep what fits. Offer grace to the version of you who did her best with what she knew.

If this conversation hits a nerve, share it with someone who needs a little courage today. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: what moment made your truth click?

Transcript

Cold Open: Pop Culture Rant

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Katy Perry kissed a girl and she liked it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 0:02

You know, that was my grandmother's favorite fucking song. Incredible. Yeah. That's wild. I know.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

Perry chat? Yeah, I was just gonna fucking say that. Katy Perry. I'm not a fan of Katy Perry. She's like chased her. She's done some fucking heinous shit. I don't give a fuck about it. Sorry, anybody that's in the Katy Perry, don't care. Don't give a shit. Sorry. Not sorry.

SPEAKER_03 0:34

Katy Perry and Mother Teresa are going to be a little bit of a child. They're terrible places.

Welcome And Topic: Late-In-Life Lesbians

SPEAKER_01 0:39

They're all my god. We could go, oh, we could go into like people that were supposed to be like good people and they just fucking aren't. So don't even get me started about fucking D Pak Chopra. Right. So on that note. What is up, everyone? Welcome back to the QCP. We are queerly committed. I'm Erin. And I'm Corey. And we're gonna talk about late-in-life lesbians. Wow. Late bloomers. It's uh it's a uh it's an interesting topic. Yes. Per se. I believe it's pronounced purse. I think so. And I think it's definitely something that needs to be touched on.

SPEAKER_03 1:16

Yeah, I personally have uh quite a bit of experience in this realm, and uh I would argue that I I think our relationship dynamic is very interesting considering that we have I, uh quote, a late-in-life lesbian, and my wife, who is a gold star lesbian.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

Yes, yes. Very interesting dynamic, isn't it?

SPEAKER_03 1:39

Yes, it is. Because while my wife knew for her entire life, I did not.

Choice, Labels, And Validity

SPEAKER_01 1:45

Right. That's what we go back to. There is no wrong time to become a lesbian or to become bisexual. There is no wrong time. It's just that you have been in heteronormalcy this whole time, and now you're like, hey, I'm feeling this way. I'm gonna explore that shit. And it comes off as almost it kind of it can come off as like you feel fake for it. And all that matters is now. That's all that matters. That's what I mean by late bloomer, is that it wasn't from the very get-go. And there's no real answer to, well, then being gay is a choice. There's really not an answer. It's more complex than that. Some people know some people know their whole lives, and some people don't know because of the system, the societal system that we're raised in. So maybe they were and they didn't even know it because all of that.

SPEAKER_03 2:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

So it's it's more complex of you know, choosing, like you choose to be gay. I don't think I think it's it's it's more complex than that.

SPEAKER_03 2:58

Yeah. I I absolutely agree and I I don't I don't actually even think that I don't really know that that choice has any to do with it. Because I I to me it all boils down into the process of accepting yourself as who you are. Right. Right now. And if you have those feelings and you're like, yo, those girls are cute. Alright.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

Check it out.

SPEAKER_03 3:27

Check it out. Or don't be unhappy.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

But if you do be unhappy, fine then.

SPEAKER_03 3:31

Right. I don't care. I'm not gonna tell you how to live your life.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

No, that's mean.

Honesty In Relationships

SPEAKER_03 3:36

Don't be unhappy, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:37

Yeah, don't be unhappy. You're doing yourself a disservice, and you're doing the person that you're with a disservice if you are with another person, especially if you have a husband or a you you just tell them. They're you know, and I I can understand want like thinking that you're going to be losing a friend. And like I said, there's potential for that hurt and that pain. Yeah. And if it is that close of a bond, I would think that your partner would want the best for you and the best for themselves. And if it's not with each other, then that's fine. But then again, not everybody thinks the way. Yeah. Because I would rather my partner be happy even if it isn't with me. Because that's that's it's selfish to make someone stay because they don't want to be there.

SPEAKER_03 4:31

That's a hostage situation.

Internalized Homophobia Unpacked

SPEAKER_01 4:33

You know, and that it's not it's not it's not right. So I would it's more important for my partner to be happy even if the happiness doesn't involve me. So there are several people that I talk to. Not like I don't talk to them on the rig, we're not best friends, but we're you know, where there's no animosity, there's you know, there's no animosity. We're cool, whatnot. It's not like awkward if we're in the same fucking room. It's no big deal. Do you think that you had any internalized homophobia?

SPEAKER_03 4:57

Oh yes, absolutely I did. I I had my own internalized homophobia, and I know this because my own body, I was uncomfortable with my own anatomy. Just the parts and shit that I've been born with. Nothing special, you know what I mean? Like, I mean, yay, special, but like it's it's standard factory, you know? This is the the same mouse late that everybody else got. So, like, why was it so upsetting to me to have the parts and pieces? Like, it was not upsetting to me at all to talk about male anatomy, genitalia or otherwise. But whenever I spoke even a little bit about female anatomy, you started to blush. I really did. Like I like I had this like heat in my chest, and I associated that with being wrong. Because it it felt like it felt like that's the devil. That's sin. I can feel the burning sin in my chest. Jesus doesn't like it when I think about the other ladies.

SPEAKER_01 6:12

Women in the devil cootie magic.

SPEAKER_03 6:16

I just want her to wear me like a scarf. I have just unlocked a core memory in this conversation. You asked me earlier if there was internalized homophobia, and now I recall. I was asked to the prom by my best friend. I told her no, and we never spoke since. Damn. It has been what 20 fucking years.

SPEAKER_04 6:50

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 6:52

I told her no. Why is that?

SPEAKER_02 6:57

Because I didn't want people to think I was gay.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Ah.

SPEAKER_02 7:01

Because if we went together, surely that would mean that I was a lesbian.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

Right, right. Did you end up going to prom?

SPEAKER_02 7:07

I did.

SPEAKER_01 7:08

With a guy?

SPEAKER_02 7:08

Yes. My gay friend, yeah. So I went to prom with uh with a gay dude, yeah.

Prom Memory And Fear Of Perception

SPEAKER_01 7:15

Homecoming with a gay dude. I love that. It was amazing. It was amazing, it was absolutely amazing. So uh my homecoming date with this was a gay dude, and my girlfriend's date was that gay dude's friend who ended up actually having a crush on my girlfriend, and it got weird because my gay friend and my girlfriend were dancing and having a great fucking time, and his friend got fucking pissed and was like yelling at him and shit, and I was just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, bro, bro, I'm not even sure why you're beefing with him. That's my fucking girlfriend. What did you think was gonna happen? Right, just because you guys went to homecoming together didn't mean that our relationship wasn't a thing. Like, it's for appearances. Technically, you guys went to prom together or homecoming together, and her and I went to homecoming together in disguise. That's really what happened. Right.

SPEAKER_02 8:12

So don't get it twisted.

SPEAKER_01 8:13

Don't get it twisted. This was a this was a front. This was a front, a beard, if you will. This was a beard, if you will. Yeah. Which is fucking hilarious when you when I think about it.

SPEAKER_03 8:25

Like, and now it just seems so fucking clear. And I also, I in this revelation, I also got to forgive myself in every fucking version that ever existed and will exist. Because that's the grace I be showing her. Yeah. It's still interesting to me, even thinking about how to kind of talk about it. I I almost feel inexperienced as a lesbian, as if I'm not qualified because I don't have a lifetime's worth of experience.

SPEAKER_02 8:59

Right. Which is the point of today's conversation.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

And that and that and it's it's it's nothing like that. It's it doesn't matter when you start using the term lesbian and you consider yourself into that category. Maybe you maybe you don't use that term, maybe you use bisexual, pansexual. But just because you're arriving later on doesn't mean that what you're feeling isn't valid, and it doesn't mean that a lack of experience is gonna be frowned upon.

Experience Gaps And “Gold Star” Myth

SPEAKER_03 9:34

Yeah, and I appreciate that so much because I think I think there was a bit of intimidation on my end, even understanding that you know, I even the term itself, gold star, you know, has has its own kind of like I almost think of like this this elite level. And I think that's also something to kind of bring into conversation is that there is no hierarchy of lesbians. Right, right. There's no fucking hierarchy of gays.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

Right. Like we just are. Right. One's not better than the other. That's correct. And I know that I know that there was a big huge stigma at one point in time where lesbians would refuse to date bisexual women. Yeah. They would call them selfish. And I r to be fair, I I think it was just because that they were afraid that they would get left for a guy. And you can't take it personal. A person's gonna a person's gonna love who they're gonna love. They're gonna be attracted to who they're gonna be attracted to. So you're either, you know, ready for that or you're not. Right. So if you're not and if you're not able to handle that shit, then obviously that's your you know, that's your choice. Don't don't date people that are bisexual. But you you're you could be missing out on a lot of really fucking cool people. Right. So maybe, you know, don't do that shit. Right.

SPEAKER_03 11:04

Like it's totally fine for you to have a preference. Your preference and your opinion on what is best for you is your own. Right. And also, in the scheme of things, as far as the labels and the categories and the quote types of lesbians, it's ridiculous. There are so many uh terms that we use to describe ourselves that are good ways to describe ourselves. That is it. It is not in any kind of hierarchy or any kind of ranking system, it is a categorization. Categorization, yeah, category.

Bisexual Stigma And Preferences

SPEAKER_01 11:48

Right. And that was another thing. It's like, oh, so are you butch, are you femme, or you lipstick? It's like, I'm just me. I'm gay, that's it. Like, I'm a lesbian, I don't subscribe to a category. I don't. And I I tried to like when I was like pushed towards those categories and tried to be put into a box, I was just like, I don't identify with any of this because I just I think that it's closing myself off to discovering who I am as a person. Like, yeah, maybe one day that I'm feeling ultra feminine and I'm gonna rock out like long hair and makeup. Maybe one day I'm gonna cut off all my fucking hair and I'm gonna wear, you know, a studded belt with like ripped up jeans and look totally like a punk chick. It's it varies. And so that's why you shouldn't worry about being a late-in-life lesbian at all.

SPEAKER_03 12:43

I've cycled through different ways of identifying myself because as I came closer and closer to really accepting who I am, the words got easier and easier to use. Like, I remember when I first realized I had any kind of interest in women in a more than platonic way. It was phrased as I think I like women. Kind of like how we were talking about right before we started recording. Right. I was that person. I was the I think I like girls. And looking back, I wonder if I was gauging other people's reactions. Absolutely. To kind of see either A, is that really how I am, or B, what do they think? You know what I mean? And and my sexuality is nobody else's concern or business or process.

SPEAKER_01 13:48

I do think that there's a fear of rejection and uh lack of acceptance that comes with it. So testing the waters and saying, Well, I think I might you're doing yourself a disservice. You really are. Just say, hey, I'm feeling an attraction towards women. Yes. I would like to explore this.

SPEAKER_03 14:08

Because that was true. Like I I knew that at that point in time the term lesbian did not apply to me because I hadn't exclusively accepted that. That didn't feel right to me. Because in my own brain, I wasn't only seeking relationships with women. Right. So the term lesbian was in inaccurate. And bisexuality has its own, there's a lot of stigmas, you know what I mean, that you can't choose, or how's come you're double dipping, or how is that fair that you get to experience both things, and it's it's less of a I get to experience, but more of a I choose to experience these people, these relationships, myself. And fuck, man, people are cool.

Beyond Boxes: Butch, Femme, Lipstick

SPEAKER_01 14:59

I do think that a person's sexuality, it's not it's not fixed. Yeah, it's not fixed, and just like with genders, there being a spectrum, there's also spec spectrum when it comes to sexuality. And I feel that a lot of people are afraid to explore that side of them because of heteronormalcy. Yeah, and uh that's what you're brought into. And filling those roles, because when you you're told depending on like religion or how you're raised and whatnot, because you that's all you see is heteronormalcy. You see, you know, you see Disney doing like princes and the princess, and you and then you have your family being like, oh well, you you knew you need to find yourself a man and take care of that man and wash his shitty underwear, and that's what your whole thing you want to look pretty for a man, you want to make sure that you don't talk in such a way that it would put men off. It's because of patriarchy and misogyny that's instilled literally at birth, right? Unless you got one of those cool fucking parents that is just like, hey, do your thing, which is great. They seem to be coming more and more popular, right? And I appreciate that, like more and more present. I I do think that we're gonna see more and more and more people coming forward and saying, Hey, yeah, I'm married, I have kids, I have a whole fucking family, a house and dogs and shit, and I'm not happy here. Yeah. There comes a point where you just kind of look around, you're like, I don't feel attracted to this person. And then sometimes you'll think, okay, well, is it my partner? Or should I like look at other guys? Question mark. So it becomes a thing about really diving into, well, how are you feeling and how are you experiencing this? And being brave enough to explore it because it's not set in stone, it is a spectrum, and it's worth exploring. You know, try it, try it on. Like I I'm attracted to women. I I don't know, maybe I'm a lesbian. I'm a lesbian. Try it on, try it on, wear it, wear it for a day, wear it for a week, see if it works. If it doesn't fit, no worries. Right. You know, just because you've had relationships with men in the past doesn't make you any less of a lesbian or not a lesbian at all. That's not how this works. Because the definition of a lesbian, it's not really cut and dry. That's true. It's ever changing. It's ever changing. And it just try it out for a day. Try it out. See see how it fits. And if it, you know, you want to tiptoe and test the waters, move through bisexuality, pansexuality. But the important thing is to, as soon as you have these feelings and you notice that dudes are giving you the ick, and you're just like, you're not you're you're just not here for it. Do something. Right. Do something, say something.

Finding Words As Identity Evolves

SPEAKER_03 18:12

Right. If you recognize within yourself that something feels like maybe either you want to explore or something is off entirely, however that flag shows up for you, say something. It's our responsibility whenever we recognize these things within ourselves to bring them forward, especially if we are in a relationship. If you ain't with nobody, then it ain't nobody's business, bro. I still encourage you to like talk to your friends and family. Just because support is so lovely. And yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:46

Yeah. I think I think that the biggest one though is being married. Being married and realizing that this ain't it. LOL. It's a you've experienced this. I have. I feel that it's a big challenge just because this is a whole new territory where you're opening yourself up to a completely new identity that you're not sure if it's going to be received and accepted, or if it's going to cause bad feelings about it. And there's always the possibility that you know the person that you're with is going to be upset. You got to be prepared for that. Also have a conversation with them. Say, hey, I want to explore this and open up the relationship. Talk about polyamory. Polyamory is not for everybody. It's it's very complex.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

It's very, very, very complex. At the end of the day, it's not fair to yourself, it's not fair to your partner, because they could be happier with somebody else that is truly attentive and wanting to be with them, and you could also be with a partner where you're getting the attention you don't have the ick. So I think I've already said that, but I'll double down on it.

Spectrum Of Sexuality And Heteronorms

SPEAKER_03 20:04

So Yeah, I get you. Yeah. I mean, I and I think I've kind of touched on this in previous episodes, but uh to kind of really dive into the backstory. My real final push into accepting who I am really came around the panoramic. I had just fucking downloaded TikTok because I had I had held out for so long, and I was like, Well, the world shut down, there ain't nothing else to do. I'm gonna download this stupid fucking app and see what it's all about. I remember we had an episode where you're like, and then it was just like, gay, gay, which yeah, everything, everything on my fucking feed was like, what's up? Birdcake? In other terms, or not, you know. And it was it was very eye-opening that I realized that I not only had an interest in these creators, but I had an interest beyond what they looked like. I wanted to know what that woman's favorite flower was. I wanted to know. And it wasn't specifically anybody in particular, it was simply the I found myself realizing, like imagining a life or at least a date with these people. And I was like, um, sir, that I am married to. Um, I understand that we have committed our lives to one another. And also, what if what if what if we explore other options within this relationship? Opening the relationship into polyamory. Um, I was not interested in a one sided situation where it was me personally exploring. Things. I didn't think that was fair. And I I've gone on a few dates, but it really, really made it so fucking crystal clear to me that I was not where I was supposed to be. And I'm I'm really proud of myself for saying something, for for choosing me. And I know that was hard. I know that was fucking hard. Like I also know that I did it anyway. And I tried to do it gracefully. You know? I did it as gracefully as I could. I can see where I could be more graceful had I given that a second opportunity, but um polyamory is not for me. I've tried it. Can confirm not uh not a thing that I would like to continue. Please. I don't want to share.

SPEAKER_01 23:00

And you're also you know, also religion.

Try It On: Naming And Exploring

SPEAKER_03 23:02

Well, yeah. And I think that's why it took until the panoramic for me to even explore my sexuality further, because I was also deconstructing religion at the same time. The first time I had a physical experience with a woman, like I it was a kiss in college. And from that moment in college up until those moments in 2020, talking about opening up the relationship, I longed for that. And it wasn't her, it had nothing to do with her. I don't even remember her name. It had more to do with the fact that, like, the way that that the way that kisses are with girls, holy shit. Like I should like, I oh man, I there was a switch flipped in me in that moment, and I was like, I don't know if I like how much I liked that. And that was scary to me. Because I was like, uh uh uh I thought I was supposed to be straight. It was the narrative that I I believed I was supposed to follow, but not because it was mine. It just it felt like the one I was supposed to follow. Compulsory heterosexuality. Okay. That makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

Right. So compulsory is the opps uh opposite of optional. Right. So because being straight is something that gets forced onto us.

SPEAKER_03 24:45

Right. It is something that I saw as normal, acceptable. Those were the people that that I saw everywhere I was. We're straight families, straight couples, straight relationships. Shit. Like I specifically remember being asked as a young child, do you have a boyfriend? A child. Right.

SPEAKER_01 25:10

Yuck. I think I think the the dangerous thing of it is is that you don't really know if you're actually attracted to men. Right. Like, are you you could be? Are you really? Or you might not be, because this is just the normal the normality of it.

Marriage, Openness, And Polyamory

SPEAKER_03 25:29

Like I thought I was. I thought I was, and I fucking fought it so damn hard, Aaron. Even after the divorce, after I had realized in my own soul, this is the craziest shit, is even after I realized in my own soul that I was gay and I really wanted to just simply experience that life and the freedom that that meant for me. Because I had not experienced a freedom like that before in my own soul, it was scary, and it also felt like fucking freedom. So an authentic life for me to be who I want to be, and I want to kiss girls. So, like I don't want yeah, singular girl, not multiple. Yeah, just you, not into the polyamory. You try to. I then continue to fucking date dudes. I think there was some part of me that didn't want it to be true. Like that didn't want that to be the case, and I I think it's pride in the sense of well, how can I be gay? I haven't always known I was gay. You know? Like a well, if you're gay, how's come you didn't know? How's come you've slept with dudes? How's come you've how's come you married a man? You know what I mean? Like, how's come this, all this other shit? If you're gay, like how could you, you know what I mean? Like, but look at all of this. I was I was essentially using my own history as reasons for why I wasn't.

SPEAKER_01 26:59

Right. And that's actually pretty normal as to teeter-totter. Like it it well, it's teeter-tottering, it's just like, no, I'm not really, but am I? And it's it puts you in a position to where you're questioning your own sexuality, and again, it comes back to the um, you know, the the heteronormalcy and whatnot. And I think it's important to highlight that it's about how you're feeling now. Now in that moment. Because it doesn't matter if you've had these past experiences with men. It doesn't. What you're feeling now, that's the move. That's the way forward.

SPEAKER_03 27:40

Right. Yeah, and really that's it. Is I felt like, honestly, I couldn't possibly be a fucking lesbian because if I were a lesbian, I would know.

SPEAKER_01 27:57

Right. And that's extremely, extremely common.

SPEAKER_03 28:00

Right. And instead of relying and believing myself whenever I said I am, or even exploring and entertaining that, I tried to shut it down. Like I tried to like double down on it. You know what I mean? And I was like, no, I'm gonna date a seven-foot-tall bodybuilder who's the literal opposite of a woman. Right. And then I was miserable, right?

SPEAKER_01 28:34

And it's another thing is like you think that attraction to men is just basically not being disgusted by a man?

SPEAKER_03 28:41

Yeah. Is I could tolerate that. Because that's really how I felt about my ex-husband.

SPEAKER_02 28:55

I just I felt like I could fucking tolerate him.

TikTok, Deconstruction, And Realization

SPEAKER_03 28:57

And I was like, oh well, that's been working for my parents for 40 years. Also, I realize now, too, especially now because I've had conversations with my parents, uh, they more than fucking tolerate each other.

SPEAKER_02 29:13

They more than fucking tolerate each other. They are each other's spouses because they love each other. Right. Not the other way around.

SPEAKER_01 29:22

I think the first question to ask yourself is can you have a healthy, fulfilling relationship with a man and you actually want to be with them? Because you could be attracted to men because you are, or you could just be doing it because that's what you're taught to do.

SPEAKER_03 29:40

Right. I found healthy, fulfilling relationships with women, whether they be from my own childhood, early friends, those relationships always felt fulfilling to me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:56

Attraction's supposed to feel good. Right. It's supposed it's supposed to feel good.

SPEAKER_03 30:00

Yeah, and like even my young relationships, I think back and I'm like, I realize the way I viewed women then and the way I view women now really isn't that dissimilar. I had a lot of respect for women. I had so much respect for like like I I would marvel at female bodies. Even legs. Oh my goodness, the legs. I'd be like, wow, they have nice legs. But in a way that I was like, wow, they're nice. I like them. I you know, I admire them. I I think they're nice to look at. They're they're lovely. Without it, it didn't feel like a sexual thing to me. And it wasn't necessarily, but like I I did not look at male bodies in the same way. I not even with a remote sense of appreciation. Not even for the ones that spent their lives at the gym. You know, the ones that arguably quote unquote maybe looked the best. I still didn't get the satisfaction. It wasn't fulfilling to me. And like it it always left this larger and larger gap of and I think I think I'm realizing it to be like the further I tried to wedge myself in the acceptance of who I am, the harder that shit would like pound in my chest.

SPEAKER_01 31:40

Right.

SPEAKER_03 31:41

Uh it was like, okay, well, you you could keep doing what you're doing, but like this feeling's not gonna go away. You know what's crazy?

SPEAKER_02 31:49

Since I met you, I have not had that fucking feeling in my chest of like I think you're missing something. Yeah. Oh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:00

That's so awesome.

SPEAKER_02 32:01

It really is.

SPEAKER_01 32:02

Hooray.

SPEAKER_03 32:03

And also, you're not a dude. Correct. Yeah.

unknown 32:09

Yeah.

First Kiss, Fear, And Compulsory Straightness

SPEAKER_03 32:10

So you were given the best opportunity, and that reminds me and and helps me to see that like it was unfair to those men, especially after I I knew in my soul, like, at the point in time of the divorce when I had left, and I was like, bro, like I'm definitely gay, and that's that's where I'm going. I'm going to where the women are. Only the women. Like, I'm going to Lesbo's island. And then I continue to date dudes. But like that, I see now how like unfair that would be to ask of a partner.

SPEAKER_01 32:50

It goes back to the compulsory heterosexuality. Oh. You know. If you keep falling back into it. Yeah. Because that it's that ingrained.

SPEAKER_03 32:59

And it it felt comfortable, it felt natural. I knew how a relationship with a man would go. Right. I knew how that would go.

SPEAKER_00 33:09

Every time.

SPEAKER_03 33:11

And I also knew that it wasn't going to be fulfilling. But there was like some spark, some glimmer, some wishful thinking bit in me that was like, well, but maybe, maybe, you know, maybe you just haven't met the right one.

SPEAKER_01 33:31

Right, right.

SPEAKER_03 33:32

Gross.

SPEAKER_01 33:33

It also is like, well, I just have really incredibly high standards. And then the standards might be like, well, you know, it's it's more complex than that. And you just keep adding on more and more things that it's just like, yeah, you the problem isn't your the problem isn't the bar that you have set. It's literally because they're guys.

SPEAKER_03 33:57

Right.

SPEAKER_01 33:57

Like there was nothing Incredibly unreal expectations, like far out there fucking down in fucking Pluto. Pluto's the planet, fuck y'all. Anyway.

SPEAKER_03 34:07

Yeah. Sapphic love is the most magical fucking thing in the entire world. Nobody can tell me otherwise. And to the younger version of me, who I know I know is listening, it's okay. It's okay that you're gay. You don't have to fight it. You could just lean in and have a lot more fucking fun. And you never have to see another wiener again. You're welcome. I know you hated balls.

Dating Men After Knowing You’re Gay

SPEAKER_01 34:43

Also, I think it might take uh it might take someone that was previously in relationships with men, it might take them a minute to fully, fully love women like without feeling that you're wrong for it. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's and that it it there's there's a million other millions of I'm gonna scope millions of women, hundreds, thousands, who the fucking knows. They're all feeling the same. They all feel feel that same way at some point in time. And it's not because they're wrong. It's a problem like with society. It's a societal problem. Yeah, if you're a late bloomer, welcome. Try it on for size. If it fits, great. If it doesn't, great. Because again, sexuality is a spectrum.

SPEAKER_03 35:36

Yeah. And if you're a gold star, welcome.

SPEAKER_01 35:40

I had the ick. Dudes gave me the ick. I'm like, that's gross. But women on the other hand, I'm like I'm just like, wow. Like, I was, yeah. So what what do you think what do you think the hot take is from this?

SPEAKER_03 35:54

Bloom at your own motherfucking pace. It's not wrong. Yeah, and it's not a fucking race either. Accepting yourself as a journey that is messy. It's messy, it's confusing, it's wild and wacky.

SPEAKER_01 36:16

Exploring your sexuality is getting to know yourself better and deeper.

SPEAKER_03 36:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:22

And that's super important.

SPEAKER_03 36:23

And there's no fucking shame in it. Correct. Like, there is no shame in pleasure.

SPEAKER_01 36:32

On that note, do we have any uh realizing lesbians out there? Any realizing bisexuals, any late bloomers, air quotation marks? We'd love to hear your story. Hit us up. Let us know. How are you hoping do you need a sport system? Because I'm sure you're there out there. Yeah, you're not alone. Yep, you're not a low. And it's more common than a match. Yep. Stay exploring your sexuality.

SPEAKER_03 37:17

Oh yes. Stay open to possibilities. Because maybe you don't know everything. Maybe you don't know everything about yourself.

SPEAKER_01 37:30

Stay completely committed.