Messy Growth, Real Progress (S3E4)

Messy growth doesn’t mean you’re off track; it’s often the clearest sign you’re expanding. We riff on a weekly ceramics class and the two rules that keep us moving when life feels chaotic: keep going, then blend it out. Clay teaches what spreadsheets can’t—how momentum and gentle adjustments create form, and how “good enough to continue” beats “perfect enough to start.” From creative work to relationships and career pivots, we unpack why gratitude lowers resistance, how to zoom out when you lose the plot, and what it takes to trust your feet when the map isn’t finished.

We also call out the real villain: perfectionism. Setting rigid parameters before life can surprise you is a sure way to stall. Instead, we turn to heart-led choices, play as a love language, and tiny next steps that keep progress alive. You’ll hear a raw story of collapse and rebuilding identity from the inside out—letting labels fall, finding a steadier center, and discovering that clarity returns when you hold the process with softer hands. Think waterfall carving stone, think sculptor removing what isn’t there; the work of becoming is often subtraction.

When the noise spikes, we return to joy through simple rituals: a bath, a walk, a page of reflection, ten minutes of awe. Submission here means releasing the illusion of control, not giving up. If the only light on your path is your own, that’s still enough to see the next step. Come for the metaphors, stay for the practical tools, and leave with a steadier way to face your next messy expansion. If this resonates, subscribe, share with a friend who needs a nudge, and drop a review so more listeners can find the queermunity. Tell us: what’s your mess teaching you right now?

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcomes And Global Shoutouts
• 0:48 The Ceramics Lesson: Keep Going
• 2:55 Expansion Is Messy By Design
• 4:53 Gratitude Over Groaning
• 7:35 Perfectionism Kills Progress
• 10:28 Zooming Out And Trusting Purpose
• 12:16 Waterfall Metaphor For Growth
• 14:36 Handling The Mess And Returning To Joy
• 17:20 Submit To The Process
• 18:57 Listener Invitation And Closing

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Welcome back to the QCP, the podcast where we have more fun than a bouncy house filled with puppies. I'm Aaron.

SPEAKER_01: 0:06

And I'm Corey. Before we get started today, let's give a shout out to Dallas, Texas. We see you, all our listeners out there.

SPEAKER_00: 0:17

Podcast is now being listened to in other places other than the United States. So big shout out to Singapore, Kyrgyzstan, and Denmark. Big shout out to the United States, particularly San Jose, California, Bloomington, Illinois, and Youngstown, Ohio. Very nice, very nice.

SPEAKER_01: 0:33

Four different countries. How exciting. That's very, very, very cool. I feel like I've recently discovered some universal truth. And it's exactly what we're talking about today with messy growth. And I think I've mentioned before, but my friend and I go to a weekly ceramics class, and it's something that I really look forward to. Not only is their art fellowship and good vibes, but it's also just pure creative space. And two things that I've reflected on and can observe that I've learned through this ceramics class as this universal truth is number one, no matter what it looks like, just keep going. Number two, when in doubt, blend it out. Blending is a secret. It really fucking is. Like and I've worked on several different projects through this ceramics class, and I have finished I think four now. Three or four projects, and I'm about to finish another one, and each one of them has gotten more and more intricate, more detailed, more d bigger. You know what I mean? Not necessarily more bigger, but just more bigger. Yeah, more bigger huge. They're huge, huge. Especially in my tiny hands.

SPEAKER_00: 2:15

Well, I feel like that those two pieces of wisdom really help to highlight the uh the just keep going and make the best of it with what you have mindset. You don't have to have it all figured out before you start. You just have to start.

SPEAKER_01: 2:27

Right. And I also understand that sometimes that is the hardest part, right? Like we all have that feeling of I gotta start, but I don't know how, or I don't know where, or I don't know what it looks like, or whatever. We just get so fucking far in our own way. But then you just get going. You feel the flow, and that's the creative space and the magic that happens there. This episode isn't specific to just podcasting, music, or even ceramics class. We're talking about expansion.

SPEAKER_00: 3:04

Right. I feel like it's so easy to see after the dust is settled. Like when we look back on our own expansion and our own Miles that we reached, sometimes it doesn't feel as messy as it did when you were going through it every single day.

SPEAKER_01: 3:18

Yes, and this is just as much about every one of those messy moments, even an explosive expansion that results in what may feel like a bigger mess. Yeah. Because we've all been there. Right. Where you're like, oh great, I'm gonna start my own business. I'm gonna do this. Right. And then all of a sudden you're like, holy fuck.

SPEAKER_00: 3:41

Right, yes.

SPEAKER_01: 3:43

The world has crumbled. Right. I don't have any friends anymore. Right, you find yourself. My credit score is two digits, and it's NO.

SPEAKER_00: 3:51

You find yourself living more of a nomadic lifestyle than you thought you would. You've got boxes from two moves ago, and you're still wondering where that favorite old t-shirt went. You know, we we sh we can show gratitude for that mess.

SPEAKER_01: 4:03

Yeah. And that definitely helps to make it feel less messy because gratitude is simply a grateful attitude. Are you grateful or are you groaning? Because really, anything can be done either way. I just personally believe that the path of gratitude holds a lot less resistance.

SPEAKER_00: 4:28

I'm saying real shit. I know that I've I've been I've been both. I've been grateful and I've also been groaning, and I'll tell you what, the the the grateful is where it's at. You know, there's no sense in just the whole time. It's it's it's fucking stupid. It really comes down to trusting the bigger picture through all of it, right? So you may not be able to see the finish line, you may not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You can absolutely trust what got you started, and you can trust what got you here, and you can trust that continuing will get you somewhere and trust that the somewhere is closer to your purpose than where you were. Zoom out.

SPEAKER_01: 5:06

Right. And honestly, faith is incredible. Hope is magical. I have a sticky note on my desk that says she believed she could, so she did.

SPEAKER_00: 5:20

You sure do.

SPEAKER_01: 5:21

I do, and I look at it every single day because I know that what we believe about ourselves is the positioning of our feet. And whatever direction our feet are turned in, that's the direction we end up going.

SPEAKER_00: 5:36

Right. Even if your growth phase feels chaotic to you, it's still part of your process. And you can trust that process. Growth phases, they'll happen in your relationships too, and they can be really uncomfortable. And trying to find the humor and lightness through the mess, uh not only to divvy up the dirty work, but it also helps remind us that play is a love language. Did you see what I did there?

SPEAKER_01: 5:59

AO You're right, you're absolutely right. Because it it helps us to f feel more grounded through all of it rather than feeling the chaos that it can feel like. And another thing that'll absolutely, I don't know, either make the chaos appear or make it worse is perfectionism. Truth. And and I think it's so dangerous because perfectionism kills progress every single time. I know that I can get too serious about things sometimes, and I get my business pants on, and that I'm just a holy terror for everyone, myself included. Like I don't even want to deal with her, but like I don't have a choice, so neither do you.

SPEAKER_00: 6:55

Business scorey.

SPEAKER_01: 6:56

Yeah, it's a good time. Um it's also like, but I've also realized like it it happens whenever I start to feel dissatisfied with myself or my progress or a situation. Um, my dissatisfaction comes from a lack of gratitude, and when I feel like what I'm looking for and what I want is just right out of reach. Whenever I shift into experiencing from my heart rather than with my head, it gets so much more clear for me there. Because I'm able to see the abundance that is present. So what if you pierce the toast, Albert? Men schmear.

SPEAKER_00: 7:46

I used to be a terrible perfectionist and s I sometimes I fall back into that, but I've really been questioning perfection and what that actually means, what it really is, does it even exist? If we start to define parameters around expectations, that's when we feel like we've missed the mark, right? You know, instead of allowing the mark to show up because we're on our path. Trust your movements, trust your decisions, trust yourself. You're doing fine, just keep moving.

SPEAKER_01: 8:13

Right. Just keep going. Because when in doubt, blend it out. Zooming out to see the entire project or expansion as a whole can help us to see what feels off or isn't vibing with the rest. Gratitude is an amazing blending tool. It's taking what is and seeing it as an opportunity because you're still here. Right now, you're still here. You're still in the fucking game, baby. So what are you doing? You know what? And speaking of what are you doing, if you're waiting on an invitation to follow us, here it is. You can follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Blue Sky, TikTok, at gross underscore girls. You can text the show from a link in the show notes. And you can send us an email at queerlycommitted at gmail.com. Now I'm off of my soapbox because there's your invitation, it's sent. It's not in the mail, it's at your ear tips.

SPEAKER_00: 9:23

Right, come join the queermunity. Seems like we got a lot of cool people uh joining us from all over the world. So uh come on in, jump in, it's great. Right, we're excited to have you here. And also, you know, it's it's an expansion. Yeah. There's gonna be an expansion. And speaking of expansion, nobody ever tells you that expansion is messy. That your growth isn't polished. And that's okay. Because you get polished through your growth.

SPEAKER_01: 9:49

Yeah, I like that. You're right. Because you are polished through your growth. So what if your expansion is messy? Right. Allow it to be kind of like have you ever seen at the bottom of a waterfall?

SPEAKER_00: 10:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 10:05

And there's there's like a a big rock, but there's like a like almost like a hole that's been carved into it and like perfectly spherical. Yes. And it's because a single pebble has just been turbulent in that space for fucking ever. And that consistent motion does something.

SPEAKER_00: 10:27

It moves. It makes moves. Into another rock by the force of water, and it just kept going. And if it can do that Listen, come on now.

SPEAKER_01: 10:38

Be a made of stardust.

SPEAKER_00: 10:40

Be a raging waterfall that slowly goes out of the rage and goes slowly into the cool, calm waters. Because that's really what happens. You know, shit gets crazy. Shit goes absolute batshit banana cuckoo bonkers. It really does. And I'd have to say that most, if not all, of my pivotal moments in my life, it was when growth was happening and expansion was hap-like expansion and growth are the same fucking thing. When my expansion was happening, it felt like absolute chaos. It seemed like everything was falling apart, even though it was falling into place. I know when shit gets crazy, I'm making moves in the right direction. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 11:21

Absolutely. And the experiences help to shape and mold us. Right. Kind of like that quote from Michelangelo in the David, where he says, I created it by taking away everything that wasn't. You just simply remove what isn't. You know what I mean? So like when it's messy, and and I'm I'm not talking about like physically cleaning a space, like uh but in either case, like if it's messy, remove the mess. Remove the mess. And if the mess is you, declutter it your soul. Aaron, could you uh tell the listeners about a time when one of your relationships grew through a struggle? This could also be just for the record, this could be your relationship with yourself, any relationship.

SPEAKER_00: 12:13

When I had a very huge awakening, I realized that I didn't know who I was. Everything in my life collapsed. It was chaos, it was such a mess because everything that I had lived for, stood for, everything that I had come to know it just all came crashing down, all of it. And it was the most frightening and scary it's frightening and scary is the same fucking word. It was frightening. It was absolutely frightening, and it was a very, very dark time in my life. I kept going because whatever was happening, it was happening because it needed to, and I trusted that whatever was on the other side of this experience was going to be better than what it was, and absolutely correct. I was able to really get to know myself. It was rebuilding who who am I? Because I know I'm not my name, I'm not my job, I'm not the music I listen to, I'm not the things that I do. And I really got to know who I was, and that gave me such a solid foundation. So while everything, yeah, it was messy and it was crazy and it was fucking dark as shit, I still kept pushing forward and turned inward. The mess started to clear. I started to gain more clarity. I was slowly being able to see that the light at the end of the tunnel. I wouldn't change it for anything, absolutely nothing. I'm thankful that everything just crashed because I wouldn't be the person I am today, and I'm really excited about the person that I am today. Spiritually, physically, mentally, all of that.

SPEAKER_01: 13:58

I love that, and I love that for you. Thank you for sharing.

SPEAKER_00: 14:01

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. I know it's really hard to for people to talk about their struggles sometimes. I feel that talking about struggle and how you're trying to transmute it into something bigger is a huge part of you know the story of your expansion. It's a story of triumph. It's kind of like the underdog stories. Yeah. And everybody loves an underdog. I mean shit, I I'm an underdog. And uh do you know what about do you know about Updog? No, it's Updog. Ah, what's up dog? Hey. Nerd. Yeah, it's um I was able to handle my mess. Yeah. I was able to take the time to handle my mess, look inward, and I was able to clean things up. And I didn't realize how much stuff that I had anchoring me. It was just it was just a very, very wild experience for me. And I maybe I'll get into it uh on an episode or something like that later on in the future. I was able to handle my mess.

SPEAKER_01: 14:58

Because you kept going. Yes. You know, because you refused to quit. You trusted what was in you. And returning to joy and seeing the expansion through the mess can free us from the pressures that we experience as we go through it. Right. We can return to joy when we feel more chaos than calm. For me, I like to pamper myself, treat myself to something nice. Maybe even a bath, a walk outside, twenty minutes alone, a little bit of reflection, journaling, meditation, you know, something. Maybe even playing video games and just chilling the fuck out for a little bit.

SPEAKER_02: 15:40

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 15:40

What about you, Aaron? What uh what practices help you to return to joy?

SPEAKER_00: 15:46

I observe the world around me, and I observe it for how beautiful it is. And then I'll close my eyes, and then I can feel and hear how beautiful it is. And when you just let yourself melt into the wonders that is being conscious in this world, I just don't understand how you could not feel that joy because holy shit, it's wild, it's crazy. We're in a we're on a fucking rock hurtling through space. Yeah. You know, like we're in the middle of nothing. Yep. Expanding, and the nothing is getting bigger, like all the time and we're here on a fucking rock. Just floating, like we're we're on a fucking planet. Spinning. Right, we're on a fucking planet hurtling through the goddamn shit. And we get to experience this shit. That's wild to me. It's fucking wild. You know, anytime I uh want to return to joy, I really think about how wonderful it is to be here now.

SPEAKER_01: 16:44

Yeah. That's beautiful. Yeah I um I just remembered what I was gonna say earlier.

SPEAKER_00: 16:49

Oh yeah. Throw it down.

SPEAKER_01: 16:51

Yeah. You were talking about melting, and I was thinking about how much easier life is. The experience itself, the expansion, truly anything, whenever we submit. Whenever we are able to submit, like kind of melt into it. You know what I mean? Because n I don't mean submitting like a control almost. Yes, yes, rather than subservient more in a relinquish of control, because at that point you're not concerned about the outcome. Right. Because you know all you gotta do is keep fucking going. Right. And if uh if you feel like you've been going for too long and you you get you get a little scared and you want a night light or whatever, like zoom the fuck out and realize that you are the goddamn night light, baby. A yay. It's okay if the only light in in the darkness that you see on your path is your own.

SPEAKER_00: 17:56

Right.

SPEAKER_01: 17:56

That's okay.

SPEAKER_00: 17:57

Absolutely. Some fucking aura be bright as shit though.

SPEAKER_01: 18:00

Mm.

SPEAKER_00: 18:01

So I'm just saying. Just saying.

SPEAKER_01: 18:04

Get it. All right. And you know, to our listeners out there, wherever you're listening from, tell us about your messy expansion. What have you overcome that's helped you to see a bigger picture or to discover something new about yourself?

SPEAKER_00: 18:21

Yeah. Let us know. Hit us up. We gave you the uh we gave you all of the credentials to do so, so hit us up. And uh that being said, uh, are you ready to wrap this up like a birthday present?

SPEAKER_01: 18:31

Ah, I uh I don't wrap any of my presents. I put 'em all in bags. It's easier that way. I don't buy presents.

SPEAKER_00: 18:39

I am the present. I'm a gift. Just kidding. I I I get presents, but they are extremely meaningful. And wrapping, it doesn't. I don't know. It may or may not have wrapping.

SPEAKER_01: 18:52

I'm painting my mom my project in ceramics class. And it's really fucking cute. I can't wait. I'm excited.

SPEAKER_00: 18:59

I'm excited.

SPEAKER_01: 19:00

Maybe I'll maybe I'll put pictures of them up on the social.

SPEAKER_00: 19:02

You should. Everybody will think uh everybody will think it's fucking cute as shit, because it's fucking cute. Yay! Yeah, yeah. So, uh, until next time. Stay bold. Ugh.

SPEAKER_01: 19:14

Stay soft, uh, stay messy, stay you, and stay queerly committed. Bye. Thanks for tuning in to this week's episode of Queerly Committed. Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share this with someone who could use a little communication upgrade.

SPEAKER_00: 19:37

And as always, keep vibing, stay real, and we'll see you next time. Bye. She's lapping up that water over the face. She's a thirsty, huh? She is. She's like, she just drank a whole fucking bottle of water. Oh, she's there, gums. It comes back up. She's just yakking on the bone. Oh, she got it.