S2E6 - Tea From T - Listener Letter

Grab some snacks, settle in- cause the tea is h-o-t-t-o-g-o 😘 

This week - we got a listener letter from "T" - they shared what they found out about what their partner has been up to 👀 

T asked us for some #relationshipadvice for a messy situation. 

#QueerlyCommitted
#listeneradvice
#needadvice 

Transcript

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(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Well, fuck it. The first one was fine. Yeah, it's good. It's good. It's great. It's great. Yeah. It's wonderful. Yes. Good? I am. How are you feeling? I'm feeling great. Good. Yeah. Good. Welcome back to Queerly Committed, where the healing is mutual, love is conscious, and no one is pretending that we've got it all figured out. Right. I'm Erin. I'm Kori. And today, we have a listener letter. Y'all. Which is lovely. We love a good listener letter. And this one, well, I... I think you guys are gonna like it. Yeah, it's a little... Get ready. It's spicy. Get some snacks. Yeah. Because tea is about to pour us some tea. Ooh. Pour the tea, tea. All right, so. Oh, confirmed. Jeez. How unprofessional. Anyways. Anyways, as I was saying. Yeah. So. We got an email from tea, and the subject was tea from tea. It says, Hello, QC. I really like the show, and I've even shared your podcast with some friends, a colleague, and my sister-in-law. Let's just call me Tea. Because I have some tea to spill, and I can really use your advice. We love giving advice. Yes. Don't get shit twisted. Like, we are here for that. So. Tea says, I had a suspicion that the person I've been dating is also dating my best friend. Um... What? A little backstory. I met my current SO on a popular dating app, probably Tinder. Right. Just kidding. We don't know what it is. Yeah, we don't know. It's not specified. We were interested in the same hobbies, conversations were great, and we ended up meeting in person. Everything seemed fine, a typical new dating experience otherwise. I have a general rule that I don't introduce any new SO to my family or friends until about three months, and we are just about that point. I mean, that's pretty smart. Honestly. You know? Because if you keep getting duds... I do the same thing. Right. Yeah. No. Because I'm not going to introduce you to my family if I don't want to be out in public with you. Right. Yeah. So about three months. Yeah. Yeah. Just make sure things are solid. Right. Okay. Okay. Understandable. My bestie, let's call them L, also uses the same dating app. They have recently met somebody, and they were so excited about how well that they clicked, and I was incredibly happy for her, that is, until some of the things she mentioned that her new SO said to her were sounding a little familiar, like I had heard them said to me before verbatim. Ooh. Oh, shit. Ooh. Well, okay. But sometimes I feel like... Hang on. I thought I just... Bang bomb!...quieted this. I sometimes wonder if people get, like, the same lines out of the same book, because I've heard the same lines before a few times. You know what I mean? Like... But, like, what kind of lines are we talking? So, they're talking smooth, sweet, poetic lines here, things that honestly were too unique to be a coincidence. Oh. Okay. So, and frankly, one of the reasons I had fallen for F in the first place is when I heard these coming from F, they felt genuine, and hearing them repeated by L gave a different feeling. I would bet, because that would kind of shooketh me, shaketh me to my core. To hear them exactly the same, and probably, because, I mean, like, whenever you're excited about something, you're reading it with the inflection that you think that is happening within the conversation, right? Right. So, like, if you... you hear these words... Ah! And it's just like... And it's like... And it's... Like... So, clearly, they weren't, like, a poem or something. Like, actual poem or something. Like, it was, like, something that they said that it was like, oh, I'd never heard that before. Right. So, a real smooth operator. Like, that was the line that they had come up with, and that was their best line, and they were just using it on everybody. Okay, so... Let's dive right back into the scene. A little dip. I want to be clear. L didn't do anything wrong. At all. Right. Because... Okay, let's see. Hold up. Let me find my place. I want to be clear. L didn't do anything wrong. At all. In fact, she even mentioned that F was just getting out of a relationship and had been hesitant on meeting anytime soon. But today, F sent her a message saying that they couldn't wait anymore. Interesting enough, F canceled plans to hang out with me later this week. F said it was because their friend is coming into town. Ooh. Well, I mean, like, their friend might be coming into town, but, like, we don't know that. Right, right. So, it could just be coincidence, right? No, I mean, like... Oh, their friend is... Oh, so... You mean... Or... Yeah. Yeah. Or that. Yeah. Hand gestures. So, I asked to see a picture of who L was talking to. My stomach turned. It's the same person. Shit. A person I met. We were talking for nearly three months, and my friend had only been talking to them for a week. I feel like that that's really... That's really shit. A fucking week, though? Like... Like, how... Eww. So, I tried to gaslight myself into believing that this isn't true. There's some mistake, like someone was being catfished because the profile was very different, even though the pictures are all the same, but I can't shake that gut feeling. My friend is planning to meet them and asked me to go along on the date because safety. Dude. Listen! Well, I mean, okay, yes. Safety. Absolutely. Right. I understand that, but also, like, they asked you to go with them. But they... But her friend doesn't know. I mean, she can't. It doesn't sound like it. Right, right. Because she said that she hasn't introduced them to anybody, any of her friends or anything. So, L doesn't even know. Shit. Right. So, my question to you is, should I be petty and go on the date and act surprised to see F embarrassing the living shit out of this person and breaking up with them in front of everybody, or should I tell my friend beforehand? Thank you for all your help. T. Listen. Tell your friend beforehand. Here. Oh, yeah. Listen. Tell your friend beforehand and get her in on it. Absolutely. You want to talk about next level petty? It's bringing your friend in on it. It's being able to strategize together. To be able to say, Hi, hang on, time out. But, uh, this person that I've been talking to, which, now it's over, so, like, have at it if you want it. Just understand that, like, my standards are that I'm not going to tolerate that kind of behavior at all. So, like, it's done with me and them. However, do you want to go have lunch? Right. And ruin this person's afternoon. I mean, it's kind of, like, Yes. Tell your friend beforehand. Yeah. Please tell your friend beforehand and get them in on it. Be like, hey, look, I got to tell you something. So, here's the thing is, this person that you're talking to is the same person that I've been talking to for close to three months. And one thing, like, a couple of things could happen here. Either A, it is a catfish, or B, this person's about to really regret playing you guys. So, guys, gals, theys, thems. Yes. They're going to really regret playing with you because there's nothing worse than being publicly outed about, like, your bullshit. Like, I feel that that's just like Right. And I'm not saying, like, I think it's good to be that kind of petty. I'm just saying that I mean, it's just kind of like the opportunity is there and Right. I mean, for me, I feel like I would definitely tell the friend. Definitely, I want them to know. But I think old me would have let it slide. Just let that be it with, okay, I'm breaking up with F and I'm going to continue to be friends with L because why the fuck not? Right, right, right. You know what I mean? But I think, in fact, I know that now me would do it differently because now me would go, ooh, bestie. Listen, I got something to tell you. Here's the thing. I'm not going to continue. And also, how how do you want to play this one? Because the ball is in our court. Do you have any Facebook logins? Like, what are the odds, though? What are the odds? Like, what are the odds that your best your best friend starts talking to the same person? Like, what are the odds? And I wonder if they knew because, like, there are some dating profiles, like some dating apps I've been on that have had like, do you want to like, Facebook dating. Like, that one specifically, you can either turn on or off your friends so, like, it'll either connect you with people that you know or it'll keep those people fucking far away from your profile whichever you so choose. Old me versus current me. Old me would have just let that situation go as far as being able to say, okay, I'm done. I'm done with F. I'm going to continue my relationship with L because L seems like a perfectly fine and decent human being, if I'm being honest. And then just kind of let F continue on. However, what I have more recently discovered is if they continue to have opportunities where they are not held accountable for their actions, they will continue to fuck around. However, if you give them reason to think about their actions before they do it again to somebody else, maybe that's the way to go. You know? They're going to learn today. They're going to learn today. What would you do to help them learn the lesson? Like, what would you do if you were T and you were finding yourself in a situation where you're like, okay. Well. First, I would be like, look, I got to talk to you, bestie. We need to sit down, have a conversation, have a little chitchat about this. And present, exhibit A through whatever you have. And be like, look, here's the thing. I'm pretty sure we're talking to the same person and this is what the flag was as to why. And show them any messages that you have with the same exact sayings. Be like, look, so I'm pretty sure that this is the same person. It's the same pictures. So, I just want you to know that this is going on, so how do you want to approach this together? Because you could both like, say, ah and then just be done with it. But! But. It's... You could send them a picture of the two of you hanging out. Ooh, that's a good one. Yeah. I don't know if I've ever introduced you to my friend, L. Ooh, or just have like, right before they're supposed to be there, could be like, hey, my bestie's here with me, and then take a picture and send it to them and see if they show up. Ooh. Yeah, but then I think there's an opportunity for them to, like, not show up at all. Right. Right. And then... I would want... I wouldn't want to confront them. Yeah. If I chose the petty route, I would want them to be there, and I would want to make sure that they were there. So I wouldn't want to give any kind of reason to not show up. I'd be like, come on, L. Let's have a chitty chat. Yes. And I would... Yeah, I would. Because I'm a reasonable human being. I would ask them to explain themselves when they'd be like, show up. Like, and making sure that you're not facing them, so when they would come in, they would just see, you know, L just sitting there, chilling. Right. And then they would, like, wave them over, and then when she sat down, that's when, boom! Oh, yeah. She's like, hey, how's it going? And then I would immediately just be like, what is the matter with you? Why would you do this? Like, what is the purpose of this? Because... What does this accomplish? Right. And if it's because you were looking at other prospects and not, like, you are already close to three months into this. Right. You just need to be honest about that. Right. If it's not for you, it's not for you, and just say that. Right. But don't keep someone on a leash in case the new prospect doesn't work out. That's not cool. Yeah, don't do that. That's not cool. That's gross. Like, be honest. So, yeah, I would say, confront them, and I would also say to the person, if you see this, cut that out. Like, be real. Be honest. Because, I tell you what, honesty's gonna get you a hell of a lot further than whatever the fuck this is. Yeah. Like, it's shit-ass behavior. Yeah. Best of luck, T. That's a rough situation to be in. And... Yeah. Please keep us updated, because I'd like to know how it goes, what you end up choosing, and how you end up handling the situation. Right. Everyone. Right. And I really... I mean, fuck F, though. Right, right. And I'm really glad that, like... I'm really glad that you realize, like, that L is not... Like, did nothing wrong. Right. And simply another person just so happens to be talking to the same person. I admire you choosing your friendship over whatever that is. Right. Yeah. Because you don't need that. No. At all. Neither do I. Obviously, you're better than that. Right. And you're seeking better than that in your actions. First of all, you're... It sounds like in either case, like, you're not interested in continuing. And I wholeheartedly fucking agree with that. Right. There ain't nothing for you there, baby. It's okay to let that ship sail. Right. And... I think I'm also, like, I would be glad that it happened, like, close to home in the sense of, like, that's my best friend. Right. Where that's, and hopefully a relationship that you can have those kinds of conversations with, but more so that it's not a stranger. Right. And you found out probably sooner than you could have, would have if it wasn't your best friend. Right. You know what I mean? Like, they were just sharing something that they were excited about, you know, and then it turned into a whole... Woo! Right. And the universe works in mysterious ways. Like... You were meant to find out. Absolutely. You were absolutely meant to find out. And if you let them shenan once, they will shenan again. That's correct. And it sounds like F is about to find out. F around and find out. Yep. I love it. I love it. And also, so what you could do is after all of this takes place, yeah, keep us an update. Also, maybe send F to our podcast and they could learn a couple things about clear communication. Shameless plug! Yeah, but for real, please. Yeah, it's... Send them over. Yeah, send them over. We'll have a little chat. Or, no, they can listen. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not... Yeah. I'm not on the same energy level as somebody who, uh, sneaks around behind their partner's back, like, in any kind of way. I am not on the same energy level as that person because that's... that's... It's icky. Yeah. It's... It's... That's... Yeah. It's low vibration. It's gross. And it's not who I am. So that's not what I do. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, yeah. Some juicy tea there. Ooh, juicy! But, um, yeah. So, uh, that's, uh, that's what we would do. Yeah. I hope that helps you. Yeah. And, uh, if anybody else, if you have some tea, if you want to, uh, ask some relationship advice, I guess it looks like we, uh, we're in for some, uh... Yeah. We're in for that. I love these. I really do. I appreciate listener letters and people that are adding to the community because they... they seek... they... they feel comfortable. Right, right. You know, they feel... Obviously, tea feels comfortable enough in sharing, but also in asking for advice. Right. So that's something that's really cool to see, that these are listeners, and these are people who have lives and are experiencing situations, and they go, eh, fuck it! Maybe this podcast that I'm listening to, you know? And you're right. Yeah. Here we are. Here we are. Send it in. And... community. Yeah. Queer immunity. Queer immunity. We love it. Yeah. Yeah. And unless, uh, unless y'all are in a poly relationship, there's really nothing, uh, nothing consensual happening here. Yeah. And it sounds like we're, uh, not in poly land. Yeah. Because... Right, right. Those are boundaries that would be clearly discussed and outlined ahead of time. Right, right. And also, and also, they were shocked. Right. So it was news to them, so obviously clearly that wasn't even, like, something that had been stated. Right. So... Yeah. Yeah. Because that would, that would make everything a little bit different. If it, if it was a if it was a a polycule, is that what it's called? Yeah, I think so, yeah. A molecule-polycule? Yeah. A polyphysant? That's not the word. I don't know. That would make it a, that would make it completely different, because then if everybody's, you know, if everybody's poly pocket, um, then obviously there wouldn't even be really anything to, you know, send in. Yeah. You know. So I think that... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so this person really effed up, didn't they? F? Yeah. F? Yeah. F effed up. I wonder if that's why they named them as F'd. That's funny. T, let us know. Yeah. Is it, is that why you named them? Because they effed up. I appreciate their, their storytelling skills. Yes. To be able to just set the scene. I can't believe the English allows us to... Yeah. The English language allows us to do such things. Well, and T, I've got some T to share. Right, right. Like, okay, alright, you be business. You right. Keep them coming in. Yeah. You got questions? We got answers. We'll help you, uh, we'll help you to the best of our ability if you want our advice of what we would do, um, or, uh, even if you just want to tell us a story. If you just want to get something off your chest, let us know. Yeah. Hit us, hit us, hit us with an email. I think, uh, I think next week might be a story time. Yeah? Yeah. Story time? I've got stories to share. Hell yeah. I've got stories to share for sure. Hell yeah, brother. We'll do it. Yeah? Do it to it. Thanks again for tuning in to Queerly Committed. I'm Cory. I'm Aaron. And we appreciate you being here. So stay weird. Stay bald. Stay soft. Aw. Stay soft bald. Bold soft. Stay softly bold. Softly bold. Boldly soft. Boldly soft. Boldly soft? I like that. Yeah. Yeah. Stay boldly soft. Yes. Yeah. But seriously, stay bold, stay soft, stay weird, and stay Queerly Committed. Bye! Thanks for tuning in to this week's episode of Queerly Committed. Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share this with someone who could use a little communication upgrade. And as always, keep vibing, stay real, and we'll see you next time. Bye!